Reasons Why

Every time that I have tried to start this blog I've backspaced sentence after sentence, scrutinising my words and my thoughts until I either gave up out of frustration or had to move on with my schedule.

But enough of that! I enjoy writing and I'm going to do it. I'm going to process my thoughts, unabashed and unhidden from anyone else who might stumble across them. I was a lot better at being vulnerable when I was 14 and 15, writing on a public blog almost daily just to see my thoughts in front of me.

I am creating a space for myself to creatively express ideas and questions, to be a conversational platform, and to learn to be vulnerable again - something which hurts a bit but God told me to do it and 15 year old me could do it. So what have I to lose? Only my perceived dignity. Let's do this thing!

I named this space Rest Assured. Not for any particular reason really. It was the first thing that came to mind when blogger.com asked me choose a URL. But I suppose it's fitting for this season of life I'm in! Resting and being sure are two things that feel very out of reach for me at the moment. But, simultaneously, it seems my life revolves around them. Paradoxical.

I don't know how to rest very well at the moment. I'm aware and I am searching and learning. But the concept of "being still" and taking a breather (physically, spiritually and emotionally) are scary things in a sense. Yet I am also aware of how important it is. So I dive into practices, tips and tricks, reading, praying, and so my life is strangely full of learning about rest.

Similar to rest is "assurance". I am asking lots of questions lately and figuring things out for myself (welcome to my coming of age story). "Being sure" in various things like God, faith, humanity, myself, culture, etc. is a shifting and evolving concept for me currently. Things I've believed confidently all my life are suddenly under careful inspection and nothing seems sure anymore.

Well. Some things do. I am sure in my faith that God is good. He is unconditional love. Love is action. Nothing is black and white. Humanity is impeccably weak sometimes and also undeniably strong at other times. I love art. I love people. And a few other things.

But there's a lot of details which I am inspecting right now. As well as a lot of new ideas and problems and beauty and things to figure out!

So there you go. Rest assured. Something I am learning to do. Something I am willing to realise I may never fully reach and I'm okay with that. Or maybe someday I'll be pleasantly surprised and then that'll be the end of this blog.

Feel free to follow and comment and converse and figure things out with me!